


the way we used to

by notthelasttime



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Edging, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Getting Together, Light Bondage, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-13 03:02:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11750697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthelasttime/pseuds/notthelasttime
Summary: Nyx laughed.He didn’t realize that was the worst thing he could have possibly done until he saw the flash of hurt in Ignis’ face, quickly covered up again in the time it took him to adjust his glasses. Still, he wasn’t meeting Nyx’s eyes. The little to-go cup of coffee in front of him seemed to hold some great interest.“Wait you- you’re serious?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the original plan for this was to just be a one shot with a hefty word count but I've been working on it so sporadically I'm just gonna post in segments as I complete them (so ch length and updates may be all over the place, sry). tired of seeing it sit in my drafts lmao
> 
> tags will probably be added with updates/the rating miiiight (?) change.

Nyx laughed. 

He didn’t realize that was the worst thing he could have possibly done until he saw the flash of hurt in Ignis’ face, quickly covered up again in the time it took him to adjust his glasses. Still, he wasn’t meeting Nyx’s eyes. The little to-go cup of coffee in front of him seemed to hold some great interest.

“Wait you- you’re serious?” Dumbstruck seemed the appropriate word. When Ignis had asked Nyx to meet him at the cafe on his break he hadn’t expected this, and now it felt like the trap was sprung and he was caught; injured and bleeding, still in shock and nowhere to run. 

In response Ignis reached into his jacket pocket for an envelope that he set on the table, the clank of metal set a heavy weight in Nyx's heart when he realized what it was, and still some part of him was convinced that this was all a joke. 

"Your key," Ignis said, "I've already cleared out my things. I work late most nights this week, you may come by my apartment to retrieve any items you may have left there. I would prefer it if you did so while I wasn't home. Leave the key on the table before you go," he adjusted his glasses yet again, the nervous tick that Nyx had always found endearing, though maybe because the things Ignis had been nervous about in the past had been sweet things, kind things, like working up the nerve to say  _I love you_. "You may also drop the key into my mailbox, if that is preferable." 

Nyx responded in silence, the noisy chatter of the afternoon caffeine rush was blocked out by the sound of blood in his ears while his vision tunneled to nothing but this moment and Ignis, what he was trying to do. When Nyx made no reply Ignis slid the envelope over to his side of the table. 

"I don't want it," Nyx said, voice sounding far away, like it was someone else speaking.  _I don't want it, it's yours, I gave it to you_.

And to think, last week Nyx had been agonizing over the best way to ask Ignis if he wanted to move in together. It had started to seem silly that they hadn't taken that step, so long overdue, both of them half living out of the other's apartment, constantly forgetting what had been left where. It was anything but silly now, if all the while this is what Ignis had been thinking of, if this was something he'd been considering for a while. Nyx certainly hadn't. Underneath the table he had to make a conscious effort to relax his hands, they'd been clutching his knees with white knuckles. He always knew Ignis worried too much - about their age difference, how fast they were moving (or  _weren't_  moving), where their relationship was going, or the close proximity in which they worked. But he'd made Ignis promise he'd talk about it, that he would bring things up when the anxiety set it and everything looked bleak. He thought it was a promise Ignis took to heart, one he would keep. Nyx looked down at his lap and saw the edges of his vision blurring. 

This was not happening, and he was not about to fucking cry in the middle of a crowded cafe, not when he had to be back at work in 10 minutes and his boyfriend... his boyfriend....

They were supposed to be together, always. 

Ignis was getting up to leave, phone ringing, checking his watch, grabbing his briefcase. Legitimate breaks from work for him were few and far between, and Nyx was always on his case about how he needed a vacation. If the Caelum's couldn't respect the limits of an 8 hour work day, he thought maybe they could at least respect his PTO. 

"Ignis-" he tried to grab his arm but it was a clumsy attempt and Ignis had always been fast, dodging away. But he had to stop this, had to stop Ignis from leaving or else the conversation would end there and that would be it, that would be the truth of it.

"Goodbye, Nyx," he said, and then he was rushing out the door, back to the high rise building across the street, back to work where he could lose himself in a million tasks and distract himself from what had happened, assuming he was even upset by this and not just relieved.

Nyx let out a shaky breath, and slowly sat back in his chair, knowing that as it was the reality of what happened hadn't even fully set in yet. The envelope still sat in front of him like an accusation, and there was Ignis's coffee on the table as well; he'd forgotten to grab it. There was a time when Nyx would have snuck up into Ignis's office to bring it back to him, no one questioning what he was doing there while he was in uniform. The gesture would have earned him a kiss, one quick and discrete when no one was looking, a secret just for him. Those days were apparently over now.

Nyx Ulric had just been dumped. 

 

 

* * *

   

 

 

They met in an elevator. 

He was posted at the front desk when static cracked on the walkie talkie clipped to his belt before he heard Libertus's voice. 

" _Nyx, the AC repair guy needs roof access, you're the only one on duty with clearance to get him up, over_."

Nyx dropped his feet from the desk and sat up in his chair. Security at the Caelum building wasn't a particularly hard job. Mostly he just sat out front in the spacious entryway near the receptionist, keeping tabs on people coming in, watching employees scan their badges to file through the turnstiles leading inside and issuing temporary IDs for visitors. The precautionary measures taken to vet people coming in had always seemed extreme to him, but then again he hadn't been around when one Ardyn Izunia had pulled a knife on the CEOs son in the middle of a meeting and nearly killed him. Regis Caelum may have gone a little overboard after the incident but, well, no one could exactly blame him, and it wasn't like he was someone used to hearing the word _no_. If he wanted heightened security measures, he got them, and the guards in the building weren't just for show. They all knew how to handle a crisis situation and incapacitate someone if the need should arise. Though it didn't change the fact that most days Nyx just felt like a rent-a-cop. 

"Send someone down to watch the front, I'll be up in a minute."

The morning rush of employees headed to work had died down to a trickle of latecomers by that point. Nyx was whistling, spinning the keyring around his index finger while he waited for one of the elevators to make its way back down to the ground floor. Typical Monday morning bullshit, but at least he'd stop having to hear the suits complain about how hot it'd been on the top floors, as if he had any control over it. 

" _Hold the door!_ " The call rang out right as he walked into the elevator and he stuck his arm out on reflex, catching the doors as they started to close and they bounced back open again to revealed a man rushing to catch him, shoes sliding slightly on the polished tile floors as he tried to slow himself down. The man gave him a grateful look and a nod of thanks before triple jabbing one of the buttons to the top floors and checking his watch. 

Nyx recognized him like he recognized any of the regular employees that passed through the gates on a daily basis, it wasn't exactly a challenge to memorize their faces when he saw them so often. Though perhaps this particular man stuck out in his mind a bit more readily. He was handsome. Devastatingly so, and always so well dressed that Nyx knew he had to be someone important. This was no lower level office grunt. He wasn't ever rude but often curt and serious when he had to speak to security about something and he never seemed to smile. 

Even now, as Nyx looked at him from the corner of his eye, slightly out of breath and ruffled, he still managed to look put together. A black suit that fit him far too well to be anything but custom tailored, black shoes that shone in their patent leather glory. The glasses gave him a studious look. Nyx's wandering mind wondered if he happened to like men in uniform.

And then the elevator stopped.

Snapped from his thoughts he looked up. They were only at floor 15 and the elevator hadn't chimed its arrival, the door remained closed. The man looked at him, deep frown imprinted on his features.

"Is that supposed to happen?"

And then the elevator jolted down half a foot without warning, and the digital display of floor numbers over the door went dark. 

"Well, fuck." 

Nyx barked out a laugh at the matter of fact way he said it, glad to see that his companion didn't look panicked, at least. 

"Hope you weren't running late for anything important." It was supposed to be a joke to ease the tension but if anything the man's frown deepened and Nyx regretted saying anything at all.

The man sighed, "Well if I must be stuck in an elevator I can't say I could have chosen a better companion," he said and Nyx watched his eyes flick up and down his body from behind the shine of his glasses, and damn it if he didn't just feel his pulse spike.

_Was he just- did he just check me out...?_  

"You... _can_ do something about the elevator, can't you?"

Oh. Oh _shit,_ he was making a point of looking and Nyx's _uniform_ , not trying to hit on him, and Gods if Nyx wasn't blushing from being so fucking stupid. People like  _that_ didn't look at people like _him_ with that kind of interest, and he hurried to cover his moment of embarrassment by reaching for his walkie.

"Libertus, I'm stuck on elevator three. Thing just stopped out of nowhere, control panel's dark. See if you can find out what happened."

The only thing to do was wait.

 

 

 

 

An hour later found them both sitting on the floor, backs pressed against opposite walls. Cell reception in the elevator was awful, but with enough glaring at his phone, Nyx's new friend had managed to get a few texts through, though every time he tried to make a call it kept getting dropped until he gave up. His irritation was obvious, but as time went on his seemed resigned to his fate.

Libertus hadn't been able to fix the problem (let alone find out what the problem actually _was_ ), so he'd called the company in charge of making repairs and they told him they wouldn't be able to send anyone out until the next morning and recommended he call the fire department if there were people stuck inside. Judging by his tone when he shared the news, Nyx could guess Libertus had given them hell for it, which was appreciated. But it didn't change the fact that they were still stuck waiting.

"So..." Nyx started, breaking the silence. If they were going to be there for a while, might as well try and pass the time. "Missing something important?"

"Only the most important meeting this company's probably every had," he said, with some grim amusement at least. He had his knees bent, elbows propped up on his legs, and when he sighed he let his head fall back against the wall behind him."Of all the days to be running late..."

"Rough morning?" Nyx asked, and there was a momentary pause before he got a reply.

"My alarm didn't go off," he said, eyes staring up at the ceiling like maybe the gods held the answers. "I never oversleep. I'm usually up before my alarm, never mind sleeping through it. I then proceeded to spill coffee down the front of my shirt, had to get changed again and made myself later than I already was. Then there was an accident on 49th Street, traffic was down to one lane..." He sighed again, but his gaze fell back on Nyx. "Thank you for holding the door for me though."

He tried to hold it back but Nyx laughed and laughed a little harder when he saw the amused expression on the man's face, and Nyx felt himself go warm. 

 

 

 

"The Nox Fleurets are here today. That's what the meeting's for." Two hours in and the elevator was feeling warm. His companion had stripped off his suit jacket revealing the crisp white shirt underneath, segmented by the black lines of his tie and suspenders. He rolled up his sleeves and Nyx tried not to look too hard. "I didn't have details on what they wanted to discuss but they've got to be making some kind of proposal to warrant coming all the way here to talk in person. _Not_ that you heard any of this from me."

Nyx raised his hands in a defensive gesture, who the hell was he going to tell anyway? 

"You must be top tier then. Someone important, if you're supposed to be in that meeting."

He looked a little uncomfortable at that. "Well... not entirely. Not me anyway, but my direct employer."

Nyx looked at him expectantly. 

"I'm Noctis Caelum's personal assistant."

" _Oh_." Yes, _oh_ indeed. Rumors about the boss's son were varied and numerous. Not all of them were kind. 

Mostly it was his work ethic that was questioned, as well as Regis Caelum's decision to begin grooming him to eventually take the position of CEO when he seemed to have so little interest in it. Worse things could have been said. He wasn't rumored to be cruel or unfair, perhaps just spoiled, as any child raised in wealth and privilege would be. But everyone that worked in the building knew something about Noctis Caelum, just like they knew any business dealing with him was business dealing with Mr. Ignis Scientia. The man that  _actually_ handled all of his work, while maintaining the title of glorified gofor.

"He's not lazy and he's not incompetent," Ignis said quickly, like he had read Nyx's mind, "At least, not when he puts forth the effort, but he gets overwhelmed. He doesn't do well under stress. That's why I was supposed to be at the meeting today, to be there to help him, should he need it."

"Well, I guess you'll just have to wait and find out how he did," Nyx said, not feeling entirely sympathetic. Though the quickness in which Ignis had defended Noctis had piqued his interest, and he wondered what the boy had done to earn such loyalty. 

 

 

 

Three hours and Ignis had loosened his tie, the top buttons of his shirt undone, and Nyx had stopped bothering to pretend he wasn't staring. 

He had taken off his glasses, rubbing at his face as he spoke, "I went straight for the kitchen as soon as I smelled smoke and caught him trying to pour water on a grease fire. I've never seen his eyes so wide. I'm sure he thought I was going to kill him. I was sorely tempted to."

Nyx laughed until his cheeks hurt and when Ignis smiled back at him he tripped over all the words to try and ask what other messes Noctis had gotten himself into, not wanting the conversation to end. 

 

 

 

Four hours. They had fallen into a lull of conversation, but it wasn't an awkward silence. Nyx fought the urge to fidget while he turned over the thoughts in his mind. _Would it be worth it? Even if Ignis said no, would it be worth it to ask him anyway?_  

Well maybe he'd get turned down and ruin whatever they'd had going so far, but Nyx couldn't just let him go without at least giving it a shot.

"Hey Ignis... would you want-"

" _Nyx, fire brigade's here. Should be prying open the door soon, you'll be out of there in no time._ " What fucking timing. Immediately Ignis was getting to his feet, any interest he might have had in what Nyx was about to say was clearly gone, and sure enough within moments they heard the cacophony of muffled voices from just outside the door. It didn't take them long to pry it open. The elevator had stopped before fulling reaching the next floor so that they were staring up everyone's legs, half of the doorway still blocked off.

"Hey, Ignis..."

Nyx couldn't get his attention again, there was too much commotion and someone kept yelling, " _Mr. Scientia_ ," from outside the elevator. 

They pulled Ignis out first. Nyx followed quickly after and as soon as he was back on solid ground Libertus was there. "Still in one piece, at least," he said looking him up and down before immediately starting on what a bunch of assholes were running maintenance. Nyx was only half paying attention.

"Mr. Scientia the Nox Fleurets are still in the building, if we hurry you can still catch them and make introductions."

It would have been so easy to miss, the quick little glance back over his shoulder Ignis gave as he was rushed off down the hallway, averting his gaze again as soon as he saw Nyx looking back at him, and that was all he needed.

"Hold onto that thought, big guy," Nyx said slapping Libertus on the shoulder and took off down the hallway.

"Ignis!" 

He ran the small distance between them catching up as Ignis turned around looking surprised and... hopeful? Could he be so delusional as to think it was happiness on his face? Either way the man with him was looking daggers in Nyx's direction, probably wondering what gave him the right to addres _Mr. Scientia_ so informally.

"Yes?" Ignis asked, clearly curious, his need to hurry off momentarily forgotten.

"Dinner," Nyx said, filled with the small adrenaline shot of his snap decision and refusing to let doubt cause second guesses. "I'd liked to take you to dinner."

There was the briefest flash of surprise on his face but Ignis was quick to cover it up, and yes that was definitely happiness on his face.

"Mr. Scientia we really must hu-"

" _Yes_ ," he said, "Yes I'd like that. Let me give you my number."

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

When Nyx stumbled in through the door of his apartment he didn't waste time looking around.

He didn't want to see the gaps in the bookcase where Ignis had picked out his novels, and he didn't want to see the empty space in the bathroom where a missing toothbrush was supposed to go. He didn't want to see how the laundry had been picked through and how all the shirts still smelling of Ignis were gone. He didn't want to see any of it, because the more he saw the more it set in and it hurt too much to think about a part of his life had been extracted without any warning, without him having any say. The memory of Ignis was too strong in this space, and even with his material possessions gone Nyx couldn't look at the kitchen without seeing the shadow of Ignis standing there, couldn't help but expect that he'd walk out of the bedroom at any moment, wearing one of Nyx's hoodies. He'd claim he was cold and didn't have any of his own sweaters here or that he'd showered and hadn't thought to bring a change of clothes but Nyx knew it was because he liked the soft fabric, that it was something of Nyx's, even if Ignis wouldn't be caught dead wearing something so worn and faded out of the apartment. It hurt to think about Ignis stealing his clothes. It hurt to think about what Ignis tasted like after he drank his morning coffee, or the weight of his body next to Nyx when they both curled up on the couch with their respective books. Everywhere he looked he couldn't stop the memories. 

He wanted to know _why_ , but the answer to that question filled him with unease when he knew that he never saw this coming and that Ignis didn't just make rash decisions. He meticulously thought things through. He weight the pros and cons and evaluated his options. What could Nyx have possibly missed. What could he have done. How could he have fucked up so bad without even _knowing_ it.

Nyx pulled off his shoes and shuffled into the bedroom, didn't bother changing before he curled onto the mattress, hugging a pillow and burying his head in it where he could still smell Ignis, whether through his imagination or not he didn't know, and he felt his face twist and warp into all of its ugliest expressions while he heaved shallow breaths and tried not to cry. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  ~~idk how i'd planned on detailing the progression of their relationship without the rating going explicit but i failed~~  
>   
> 
> rating/tags have been updated

**[message tone]**   _Hey, Ignis can we talk? I know... I know you probably don’t want to hear from me right now but I….. [deep breath, muffled] please you can’t just cut me off like this. Please call me back._

 **[message tone]** _I’m sorry I know it’s late. I hope I didn’t wake you, I just.... Look, if I did something wrong can you just tell me what it is? You know I would never want to hurt you, right? If I- if I did something it wasn’t on purpose. I didn’t know. We can talk about this. You just, you gotta call me back. Please._

 **[message tone]** _Hey, um. I miss you. I miss you and I still lo- [voice cracks] …..I still love you. That’s all i wanted to say._

 **[message tone]**   _Seriously, you’re just gonna box my shit up and leave it outside my door when I’m not home? Why won’t you talk to me? What the fuck did I do?_

 **[message tone]**   _Ignis pick up your godsdamned phone, for fucks sake._

 

* * *

 

 

Nyx spent the better part of the week agonizing over where he could possibly take Ignis to dinner.

He wanted to be _impressive,_ take Ignis to some kind of fancy restaurant where half the items on the menu were unpronounceable and buying a bottle of wine would eat up half his paycheck for the week. He wanted to prove himself, he supposed, when he knew those were the kinds of restaurants that Ignis was used to frequenting as someone who spent the majority of his time waiting on billionaires.

 _But_ , another part of his mind reasoned, _but, but, but..._

But wouldn't he just make a fool of himself, and instead of impressing Ignis only make a point of how far out of his league he was? Embarrassment was the last thing he could suffer, and remembering Ignis, jacket off, shirt sleeves rolled up while sitting on the floor of an elevator detailing his exasperation with his employer, well, maybe Ignis wouldn't want that, the expensive restaurant, the formality of it, so familiar to him already. At the same time he couldn't exactly bring Ignis to a dive bar and expect him to be anything less than skeptical, maybe enough to make him regret accepting a date with Nyx in the first place. 

He was going in circles, and driving himself mad in the process. 

In the end Nyx decided on a new restaurant on the south side of the city, specializing in Galahadian cousin so that it was something he knew about already and impart his native knowledge on Ignis, should he choose to ask. Nice without being fancy, casual but not crummy, new enough so that if the food sucked it was a fumble he could recover from.   

He arrived early, so worried about showing up late and making a bad impression that he had to kill time at the bar, waiting for Ignis to show. He thought meeting at the restaurant was the best idea, rather than picking Ignis up in case the night turned out to be a disaster and he needed to make a quick escape to try and keep his pride in tact. He was just so nervous, feeling like he was back in high school, asking a girl out for the first time trying to act casual while worrying he was going to make a fool of himself. Nyx downed his drink and wiped sweaty palms on his pant legs, trying to calm himself. 

"I hope you weren't waiting long," Ignis found him at the bar, dressed down in a cardigan and dark jeans, looking infuriatingly calm and casual. They were seated quickly, and ordered drinks, and after exchanging pleasantries fell into a relaxed conversation that felt natural enough for Nyx to wonder how he was pulling any of this off.

"You're from Galahad?" Ignis asked him while they were waiting for their food to arrive.  

"Yeah, been in Insomnia about a year and half now, still feels like I don't know the city though," he said and Ignis smiled, nodding.

"It can be quite intimidating to newcomers, I can certainly relate." Ignis had seemed so at home Nyx hadn't thought he might feel like an outsider, even with an accent that was reminiscent of Tenebrae. He soon found out that Ignis had come here to go to school where he could get a better education, recommended by teachers that had seen his potential. Eventually he met Noctis Caelum at the University, and made enough of an impression that Noct first convinced his father to give Ignis an internship, and eventually a job.

"Must have done something impressive if he liked you enough to make you his personal assistant," Nyx said pushing the food on his plate around absently with a fork. He didn't know why he had been so worried about the restaurant; he'd been so enamored with Ignis the whole time he didn't even know what anything tasted like.

Ignis smirked, "We had calculous together. At the beginning of the semester he was failing the course, I managed to help him scrape by with a C." 

They kept talking and loitering and ordering drinks even as the restaurant started clearing out, and when it started to become obvious (even to them, wrapped up in themselves as they were), that they had overstayed their welcome, Nyx paid the bill and left a hefty tip. Ignis offered twice, first to pick up the bill, then to at least let him pay half, but Nyx wouldn't have it. Not when he was the one that had asked Ignis out in the first place. 

They stood outside in the parking lot afterwards, next to Nyx's car, talking and putting off goodbyes for another 20 minutes. A lapse in conversation made Ignis sigh, "I guess I should be going," he said, and Nyx nodded, but when Ignis started to turn away Nyx caught him by the shoulder and pulled him in for the kiss. 

It was short and sweet, chaste to be sure, but when they broke apart he swore Ignis was blushing, even in the dim glow of the streetlight, and Nyx kissed him again on the cheek before saying good night, and as he drove home he was smiling the whole way. 

An hour later, while he was laying in bed, Nyx stared at his phone, writing and rewriting a message to Ignis, not quiet sure what to say, just that he wanted to say _something_. Something about having a good time and wanting to see him again, but it all sounded disingenuous when it was written out, staring back at him from the screen. 

He almost dropped his phone on his face when it started ringing, Ignis's name flashing bright.

"Hey," he answered on the first ring. 

"Hello, Nyx." There was an awkward pause on he other end of he line, like now that Ignis had him, he didn’t quite know what to say. Maybe he hadn’t been expecting Nyx to pick up.

“I’m sorry if you were sleeping-”

“I wasn’t,” Nyx said, too quick, then added, “I’m glad you called,” afraid his eagerness would read as rudeness. 

He heard Ignis release the breath he’d been holding, like static through the receiver, and then he laughed. “I’m glad I called too. I enjoyed my time with you tonight,” he said, then laughed after a moment, “it sounds so flat when I say it out loud. Please believe I do mean it.”   
  
Nyx’s smile was dangerously out of control when he replied, “I believe it. Me too. I enjoyed tonight too, I mean. I uh, was actually just sending you a text when you called.”  
  
“Oh?”  
  
“Well, trying to, anyway. I couldn’t figure out what to say.”

"Might I make a suggestion?"

"Sure," Nyx said, sitting up.

"Say _yes_ , when I ask if you'll come over for dinner the weekend after next. I would have liked to have you over sooner but I'll be out of town next weekend. I'd liked to cook for you, if that's all right."

" _Yes_ ," Nyx said, "yes, more than all right. Will I... will I see you again before you go?" Two weeks seemed like a very long time away.

"I'll let you know if I can find some free time. Drinks, maybe. Or coffee."

"I'll hold you to that Ignis."

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 **< text sent 7:28 p.m.>  
** _I don't know if you're listening to my messages. fuck I don't even know if you'll read this but I have to try. at least you haven't blocked my number. texting is supposed to be easier right? we won't have to meet. you won't even have to see me. I just want an explanation. that's all I'm asking for._

 **< text sent 5:13 p.m.>  
** _I'm sorry I'm know I've been blowing up your phone I just. I'm running out of ways to ask for you to talk to me. I thought maybe you just needed some space before you saw me again but now i don't know._

 **< text sent 12:14 a.m.>  
** _we were good together._

 **< text sent 3:04 a.m.>** **  
** _i miss you sso gdosdamn much iggy pleasei dont want to loss yuo_

 **< text sent 6:55 a.m>  
** _sorry_

 **< text sent 2:47 p.m.> _  
_** _ignis just tell me what I did_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Ignis stood in front of the stove sautéing sweet onions and peppers, looking more like a professional chef than a hobbyist.

True to his word, Ignis had called Nyx in the middle of the week, apologizing for the late hour and wondering if Nyx would like to get a drink. He couldn't have agreed fast enough, and they met at a hole in the wall downtown, the place surprisingly crowded with customers for a weeknight, meaning when they found seats at the bar they were pressed close, brushing shoulders and leaning in close to each other to be heard. 

While on their second round of drinks, Nyx, feeling brave, snuck Ignis's hand into his own, hidden under the bar, and Ignis didn't let go for the rest of the night. Instead of loitering in the parking lot talking, putting off their goodbyes, they spent that time exchanging kisses instead. 

"Need any help?" Nyx had asked, looking over Ignis's shoulder as he worked, and Ignis waved him off.

"You're here as my guest," he said, "I'm not about to put you to work."

Not that it looked like Ignis really needed any help. All the ingredients he needed were already out on the counter, measured and chopped and ready for when he wanted them, and he worked from memory, never having to check a recipe. 

His apartment was clean and warm. Nyx had maybe been a little intimidated to come over, loath to admit that he was. He just wasn't quite sure what to expect, some fancy high rise or penthouse apartment, something modern and uncomfortable where the furniture looked more like pieces of art. He should have known better than to think that would be Ignis's style though, and while his apartment was spacious and in a nice part of town, it was lived in and comfortable. There were a few house plants on the window sills, and books sorted by size on the shelves. The black leather couch in the living room looked more comfortable than stuffy, and as meticulously organized as the kitchen was, there were too many pots and pans and fancy appliances for it to not be well used. Ignis had made an offhand comment about enjoying cooking on their first date. Nyx just hadn't known he was this intense about it. 

"Let me at least get you a drink while you cook," Nyx said, standing maybe closer than was strictly necessarily, and after Ignis directed him to a bottle of wine and a corkscrew, he took up his too-close space next to Ignis again, slipping an arm around his waist the first chance he got.

"Best be careful, if you were planning on eating tonight," Ignis said, but he couldn't hid the smirk on his face, and as soon as he covered the pan on the stove with a lid to let it simmer, Nyx wrapped a hand around the back of his neck to bring him into a kiss. 

It was unhurried and sweet, the way that Ignis leaned into him and let his mouth be coaxed open and how he still tasted like red wine. It was cut too short when Ignis smelled something burning and had to pull away quick before dinner was ruined, and Nyx was left staring at the back of his shoulders while he worked, thinking about how much he _liked_ Ignis, and had to keep reminding himself that this was technically really only their second date. But there was something about him that just felt right, that seemed to fit.

The food was delicious, and if Nyx hadn't already been smitten, knowing he could cook up a meal that good and act like it was no big deal, that would have done it. It didn't hurt that every time Nyx tried to tell him how much he liked it Ignis turned a little pink and tried to hide a smile behind his wine glass claiming it was nothing. And then there was dessert too, on top of it, some kind of dark chocolate tart covered in berries that tasted like heaven and afterwards Nyx would blame the food and blame the wine because when Ignis brought their dishes into the kitchen, he followed after, not giving Ignis a chance to clean up before he was leaning in for another kiss, and this time it tasted like chocolate.

And now there was no burning food to interrupt them. 

And Nyx didn't want to stop. He wasn't going to stop. And from the way Ignis was responding, Nyx didn't think he wanted to stop either. 

His hands splayed out on Ignis's back, and Nyx tugged him closer, savoring his body heat. He felt Ignis's breath hitch when he nipped at his lower lip, and he felt Ignis's hands gripping his shirt at his sides. They pressed closer, mouths parting with ease, like they'd been doing this forever, so natural with each other, like the way they used their tongues to tease and explore. Nyx couldn't even bring himself to be embarrassed by the fact that little more than a heavy make out session had gotten him hard, instead dropping his hands to grab Ignis's ass and rock his hips forward, making him groan. Ignis unlocked their lips just long enough to tell him, "The bedroom's through the door behind you."

They didn't say anything after that. 

The dying evening sun of summer gave them light to see by, streaks of warm orange-yellow light illuminating the bed. Nyx went to work on Ignis's clothes, pressing kisses to the skin he uncovered as he unbuttoned his shirt. He pushed Ignis onto his back, turning his attention to his mouth once again, pausing only to make quick work of his own shirt.

Ignis ran his fingers over the long scar that covered the right side of his chest, but he didn't ask and Nyx kissed him for it, and when he started on the buckle of Ignis's belt, his hands made their way to twisting into his hair instead. 

Pants off, boxer briefs off, Nyx stared at him on the bed; lithe body, the rapid rise and fall of his chest, cock long and hard and lying on his stomach. Ignis held a hand out to him, _come here_ , and Nyx let his own pants drop, felt relief when he freed his cock from the confines of his clothes and started stroking himself, and Ignis licked his lips while he watched. Then replaced Nyx's hand with his own.

It took them a moment to find their rhythm, stroking each other with Ignis lying on the bed and Nyx hovering over him, knees spread and planted on either side of his thighs, a hand next to Ignis's head, propping him up. They were both breathing heavily, the occasional moan when someone's hand squeeze a little tighter, or they changed their pace. Nyx watched Ignis's face as he gripped his cock, looking for what made him bite his lip or furrow his brow so he could repeat the motion, and tried (unsuccessfully) to keep his own hips from thrusting into Ignis's hand, working him steadily.

Nyx came first, his hand faltering momentarily as he felt himself shudder, felt the wet mess he made while Ignis kept tugging at his cock and he closed his eyes and groaned, breathing hard. When he opened his eyes again he saw Ignis staring back up at him, mouth parted, forehead shining with sweat, and Nyx tightened his grip and worked him hard until he too was spilling come between them, and Nyx didn't miss the breathy way Ignis muttered his name while he was in the midst of it, mind hazy with pleasure. 

Nyx went to kiss him on the corner of his mouth, then sat back up to look at him, to look at _them._  His own hand was a mess but Ignis had gotten the worst of it, streaks of come from the both of them covering his torso. His eyes were far away as he was still coming down from the high of his climax and Nyx leaned in to murmur, "I'll be right back," before he slipped off the bed.

He fumbled his way through Ignis's bathroom to clean himself up, and went back to the bed with a dampened cloth for Ignis. After wards Nyx pulled him close, tugged the blankets up around them and let his hand rub circles into Ignis's back, still damp with sweat, the skin burning hot. The room was almost completely dark now, the sun dipping back behind the buildings, just the reflection of orange light from mirrored windows shining back at them. The sheets and pillowcases must have been fresh; Nyx could still smell the detergent Ignis used on them. 

Next to him Ignis went still and quiet, breathing too shallow for him to be asleep.

It was the kind of silence that in time Nyx grew to be wary of, because it was the silence that meant Ignis was deep in his own head, overthinking things, and if left to his own devises, he seemed to always come to the worst conclusion.   

It was a while before he spoke, and he sounded timid. 

"You don't think we.... this wasn't.... don't you think we're moving a little fast."

Nyx's hand stopped. He was at a loss, something that didn't normally happen, but there was a sense of trepidation when he thought about what Ignis was probably trying to say. But he didn't want to ask the question. 

_Do you regret it?_

Because some part of him felt certain that the answer was _yes_ , and he hated the idea that he could have pushed Ignis into this when he wasn't ready, had never sensed any hesitation when it might have been there. The moment had felt perfect to him, but if it hadn't been the same for Ignis...

He pulled back to shift his body and look Ignis in the face, and when Nyx saw him there was worry there in the set of his eyes, and it felt a little like his heart was breaking, so he pushed the hair back from Ignis's forehead with all the gentleness he could draw to him, and kissed the bridge of his nose. "We can take it slow," he said, and didn't trust himself to say anything else.  

He watching Ignis's eyes roam over his face, doing some searching of their own, and when he responded his voice was quiet. "I only meant..."

A deep breath, and he started again, "I never had much luck with relationships, and I.... I never quite know where I go wrong. I like you Nyx, very much so already."

"It's okay," Nyx said, kissed him over his left eye, "It was good, right?" he asked, and saw the start of a smile as the worry faded away, like _it was good_ was the understatement of the century and Nyx smiled himself as he kissed him Ignis the corner of his nose, " _more_ than good." A kiss on the temple. "But we don't have to rush things. We can take it slow. And I don't think any less of you because of it, if that's what you're worried about. Be a bit hypocritical if I did."

"I don't want to mess this up," he said it like it was a secret, quiet. Vulnerable. 

"You won't," Nyx said, kissing him and kissing him, "you won't."

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

When Nyx saw his phone light up with Ignis's name he couldn't open the message right away, needing a moment to try and steady himself, dreading what Ignis would say, already trying to think of a way to make it up to him. Because Nyx did still think he could make it up to him. If only he knew what he'd done, then he could start apologizing and him and Ignis could hurry up and get back together, get back to how things were supposed to be. 

Because Nyx missed him. Terribly so, and most nights he found himself half asleep and reaching across his bed for a body that wasn't there, thinking that this had all been some kind of awful dream. 

 **< text received 9:12 p.m.>  
** _We just don't work the way we used to. Please stop asking._

It was wasn't real. It couldn't be real. Nyx had been so obsessed with his hypothetical colossal fuckup he never considered that there could have been another reason for the breakup and the revelation _hurt,_ worse than anything physical. Worse than he could have imagined, but it was quickly overshadowed by something else.

" _Bullshit_ ," he spat at the empty room and felt a spike of uncharacteristic rage boiling up from deep inside him, burning hot and uncontrollable, and Nyx felt his hands start shaking with the shot of adrenaline through his body. 

 **< text received 9:14 p.m.>**  
_You still have my key, I need it back. Please drop it in the mailbox by the end of this week._

" _Bullshit!_ " he screamed and threw his phone at full force out the open bedroom door, from where he'd been pacing before reading the message. He heard the crash as it collided with something, couldn't bring himself to care, not when he could barely see straight and it felt like he was on fire and his world was red. 

This wasn't supposed to happen. This was never supposed to happen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wasn't quite sure how i wanted to transcribe the messages/texts so i'm sorry if the format makes them seem disjointed


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shocker of shocks, no this fic is not dead

"You can't think of _anything?_ "

"No, nothing."

" _Really?_ " Crowe was giving him a skeptical look from across the table and Nyx was having a hard time meeting her eye, opting instead to stare down at his beer bottle while he picked at the edge of the label. "You can't think of _any_ reason why he might have dumped you?"

Nyx sighed and shook his head, feeling like the conversation was going in circles. Crowe had finally worn him down enough to talk him into coming out with her, and Nyx was floating somewhere between grateful and miserable. He couldn't stand spending another night at home alone, but now that he was here the bar felt too noisy, too crowded and he just wanted to be alone. It was the first chance he'd had to talk about things with Crowe in person though, and he supposed some part of him was hoping she'd be able to impart some great wisdom on him, or else tell him what he needed to do. 

Crowe was the first to move out of Galahd. Hard work had gotten her a fantastic scholarship to study art at the University of Insomnia, and she'd accepted without a second thought. Of course Libertus had been anxious about the whole thing while doing a pretty good job of pretending not to be. The three of them had grown up together and Crowe was like a sister to them, meaning Libertus had a protective streak that ran a mile wide when it came to her, only strengthened by the fact that she was an orphan and had no connections to a biological family of her own. However much he tried to play it off Crowe had seen right though him, and it wasn't long before he was asked to visit Insomnia for himself and see firsthand that no, she was not starving to death, no the city didn't have criminals hiding around every corner, _yes_ , she was doing just fine and there was no need to worry. Her plan had worked a little too well, and with enough visits it seemed like Libertus found something in Insomnia to like enough to move there himself. 

Nyx was the last to move. Libertus spent the better part of every conversation they had trying to talk him into coming to visit, but it always seemed like there was just too much going on, too many other things to do.

Until he was riding in the family car, sitting shotgun with mom driving and Selena in back when a semi ran a red light and t-boned them at 50 miles an hour. He lived. They didn't. Nothing left on him but a deep scar on his chest, miraculous only in the fact that it wasn't fatal.

Libertus let him sleep on his couch until Nyx found a place of his own. 

(And when he first told Ignis, some late night together in bed when he'd been tracing the lines of the scar when Nyx was feeling oddly vulnerable and like he wanted to tell Ignis every secret he ever had. He didn't have to explain it, Ignis just knew it was why he came to Insomnia and he'd murmured something about how it was easier to leave a place when you were leaving nothing behind and then he'd kissed Nyx's chest, kissed him like he could take all that hurt away and Nyx loved him for it and _Gods_ didn't that just sting to think about). 

"Nyx, listen I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to say it. You're not always the best at picking up on things."

Nyx looked up from his beer, saw more than a little sympathy in Crowe's face.

"I just mean... maybe there was something bothering him and you just... didn't notice."

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"You're _how_ old?"

Ignis's eyebrows were raised, look of surprise painted on his face and it had caught Nyx off guard. He'd made some offhand comment while they were chatting, something he hardly thought would catch Ignis's attention, and yet...

It'd only been a few months since they'd started seeing each other, but it felt like so much less. Perhaps it was in part because his time with Ignis was so limited, they'd only really been on a handful of dates, but the little things made it ok. They way Ignis would try to make time whenever he could, quick to respond if Nyx sent him a text, and it wasn't like Nyx hadn't known going into this the kind of schedule Ignis had. It seemed like he was always at the beck and call of the Caelums. Even now, a rainy Sunday afternoon at home and Ignis had his phone and laptop out, papers strewn around the table while he worked from home. He'd called Nyx earlier to see if he'd want to come keep him company, even if Ignis did have to work through their time together Nyx agreed, eager to see more of him. Plus he'd been thinking of plenty of persuasive ways to get Ignis to take a break.

"I said I'm 32," Nyx said, suddenly feeling nervous, then, "Well... why how old are you?"

"22. I... had assumed you were younger," Ignis adjusted his glasses.

"Oh. I uh... I guess I thought you were older." 22 was awfully young to have the position he did. Nyx hadn't ever really considered their ages in the past, not when they got along so well and it wasn't exactly like Ignis was immature. And well, 22 wasn't so young, was it? Just like 32 really wasn't so old. They were both adults anyway. Surely it wouldn't be an issue.

Ignis didn't say anything else other than a thoughtful _hm_ , even if his lips were pinched and he didn't exactly look happy. But before Nyx could worry too much, Ignis was changing the subject, asking what they should do for dinner and the conversation dropped. Wasn't something to get worried about, and Nyx worried even less a few hours later when he was kissing Ignis senseless and pushing him back onto the bed.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"How was the sex?"

" _What?_ No, Crowe I can't talk about this with you."

"That bad, huh."

"Come on, you're like a sister to me this is weird." Crowe just nodded to herself like she'd finally figured it out and Nyx sighed, "The sex was _fine._ "

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Ignis liked it rough.

He was on his knees, faced pressed into the mattress and hands bound tight behind his back and Nyx was fucking him hard, desperate to come.

"More... _more_..." The words sounded more like a moan, and Nyx was happy to give Ignis was he wanted, gripping his hips tight as he picked up the pace. Ignis's cock was bobbing between his legs with each thrust, and Nyx new if he reached around to stoke him it would be quick work to make him come. But he didn't want that quite yet, wanted to draw it out. He'd already gotten Ignis off once with his mouth and a finger in his ass, they could make this last a little longer. 

It felt so good to be back inside him, it always did. Ignis had been in Tenebrae on business for the past week, and when he'd gotten back all Nyx could think about was stretching his ass open with his cock and coming deep inside him. Nyx wasn't always good with sentimentality, but sex was different. He could show Ignis, make him feel how much he wanted him.

And Ignis _certainly_ seemed to enjoy it.

He always seemed incredibly frisky for someone that was overworked and never got enough sleep, but then again what better cure to a long day than getting fucked. They'd been experimenting more, brought on by the fact that Nyx realized Ignis moaned a little louder, came a little faster when Nyx pinned him down or got a bit aggressive. He'd spent the night before Ignis's birthday standing in a sex shop staring at a wall full of fetish toys trying to figure out what to get, something that would say _I want to try_ without jumping into the deep end of cock cages and gimp suits. In the end he settled on a set of restraints, good quality, with wrist and ankle cuffs and straps that could be modified to bind in various ways. All it took to win Nyx over was the thought of Ignis tied down to the bed, hard and waiting for him, unable to make the first move and Nyx was sold. He wrapped the restraints in a separate bag, tied with a red bow and waited until they'd gotten back from dinner to give Ignis his final gift of the night. 

There was one fleeting, horrible moment when Nyx thought he'd gone terribly wrong. When Ignis opened the bag, curious and coy smile slipping off his face, replace by a fierce flush, Nyx had to wonder how he could have possibly misread every signal and misstepped so bad. At least until Ignis found his footing and suddenly he was dragging Nyx into the bedroom still holding the restraints. They did a rather thorough job of breaking Ignis's new gift in that night. Afterwards, Ignis laying in his arms, relaxed enough to be practically boneless, content and lazy the way he always got after they fucked, he'd looked at Nyx and said, _well that was fun_. 

And so they continued to explore. Moderate bondage was a yes, most toys were a yes too, as was impact play. Nyx hadn't quite been prepared for the desire that spiked through him after watching his hand turn Ignis's ass a glowing shade of pink. Roleplay was a no just because neither of them could keep a straight face long enough to stay in character, and asphyxiation turned out to be a definite _no_ , but Nyx couldn't say he was sorry they'd tried because he liked trying with Ignis. The fact that Ignis trusted him enough, the fact that they could both be aroused and laughing at whatever ridiculous thing they were attempting. They didn't always have the luxury of time, but when they did Nyx liked to take full advantage.

Underneath him Ignis moaned again and Nyx could hear in his voice how close he was. He worked to keep the pace of his hips from stuttering, but when Ignis starting coming it was all over, he was on the edge and Ignis was dragging him down after him. He came hard, something wordless on his lips, falling out of his mouth, and as soon as he could he was rolling Ignis over, filled with a delirious need to kiss him.

 

  

 

* * *

 

 

 

  
"Fine? The sex was _fine?_ Oh Gods it's worse than I thought."

"No, fuck that's not what I meant, I-" Nyx rubbed a hand over his face. "It was good, okay? Really, really fucking good. All the way up to the end."

"How often?"

"Often enough, _okay?_ "

"Ignis was a busy man, he must have been tired a lot. I get it okay? It makes sense you didn't-"

" _Frequently_. A lot. All the time, more than anyone else I've been with, will you please, _please_ drop it."

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Ignis? _Ignis_. Baby come on, please... _fuck_."

Nyx watched Ignis's bare ass disappear out the bedroom doorway. He tried in vain to tug at the cuffs holding his wrists to the headboard, as if Ignis hadn't done an exceedingly thorough job of making sure that his bindings would hold. 

" _Ignis please!_ "

Nothing.

Ignis had been riding him, a maddeningly steady and deliberate pace that had been building him up nice and slow. Nyx had been desperate to grab Ignis and fuck him hard, but he couldn't, not when he was tied up and completely at Ignis's mercy, and Ignis didn't seem to be in any hurry. He took his time working Nyx up on that slow climb to orgasm and Nyx had felt himself finally getting close, finally almost there and-

Ignis had abruptly stood up and walked out of the room.

The anticipation of Ignis coming back had driven him wild, cock painfully hard, laying on his stomach and Nyx had squirmed as much as the restraints would allow. But he was already pulled back from the edge, no longer on the brink of coming, meaning that when Ignis made his way back to the bed and sank back down on his cock, it was like they were starting back from the beginning again, back to that slow build. Nyx should have known better to think Ignis would let him come, and once again as soon as he started getting close Ignis was climbing off of him, leaving him turned on and begging for more.

Three times, three fucking times Ignis had brought him to the edge and left him hanging. If Nyx had any idea what a godsdamned tease Ignis was he might not have been so willing to give up control. 

(As if he wasn't desperate for more as if Ignis didn't have him wrapped around his finger.)

Ignis appeared in the doorway again, leaned up against the frame, arms crossed and toting two fingers of whiskey. He looked so casual, so unaffected, just a little touch of amusement oh his face. How he could stand there, not a stitch of clothing and cock swollen and flushed pink, and get away with looking incredibly sexy and not just utterly ridiculous, Nyx didn't know.  

"You going to come over here and fuck me, or are you just going to stand there looking pretty?"

Ignis his his smirk behind his glass as he took a drink.

"Ignis.  _Iggy_  come on.... Ignis _please_ get over here."

He polished off the rest of his whiskey and walked towards the bed with measured steps. "Quite vocal aren't you," Ignis said, perching himself back over Nyx's hips but still not touching him, "perhaps next time I should gag you."

"Put my dick back in your ass and you can do whatever you want."

Ignis laughed at that, finally the facade breaking and he conceded, stroked Nyx's cock a few times before holding it steady as he pressed himself down, biting his lip and groaning as he did, precome dripping out of the tip of his own cock. He had to have been as keyed up as Nyx was at this point; he'd been teasing himself just as much and Ignis hadn't come yet either. The only difference was Ignis had a better poker face. He started riding Nyx again, only slightly faster than before, still steady and building, but this time Ignis started picking up his pace as he got close, hands on Nyx's chest.

It didn't take long for Nyx to start running towards that brink again, watching Ignis use him for his own pleasure, and Nyx took advantage of the little freedom of movement he had to try and thrust up into Ignis.

"Iggy I'm close, Iggy I'm-"

Ignis came down on his cock hard.

Finally coming inside of him felt like heaven, and Nyx closed his eyes and groaned, hiding his face against the inside of his arm, hips move sporadically still searching for friction. He was vaguely aware of Ignis stroking himself rapidly and soon felt the spray of come that shot across his chest. For a moment all he could do was breathe. 

Ignis leaned forward and make quick work of the restraints, releasing Nyx's hands, and the first thing Nyx did was pull him close, ignoring the mess between them. They could clean up later. He rolled Ignis onto his back and rested his head on his chest, listened to his rapid heartbeat. 

He felt Ignis kiss the top of his head after smoothing his hair back, "Good?"

"Good."

Really, _really_  fucking good. 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

"So you guys never fought?" Crowe was looking at him with more than a little skepticism. Their table had become cluttered with beer bottles over the course of the night and if Nyx didn't stop soon he was going to wake up with a headache.

"Not that we _never_ fought we just... Look we didn't have shouting matches or anything, Ignis was never like that. I really don't see how that's a bad thing."

"If you weren't ever talking about your problems and keeping everything bottled up, yeah that's kind of a bad thing."

"But we didn't _have_ problems."

"Nyx, he broke up with you. Clearly you must have had problems. You just didn't know it."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 Ignis was in a mood.

He'd come home with a bug up his ass about something, hardly bothering to even pretend to be happy to see that Nyx was there waiting for him. Maybe that would hurt a little, if Nyx let it. Since Ignis had given him a key he'd looked pleased any time he came home and Nyx was already over. He didn't know why today was different, maybe just a long day or bad traffic or something. If Ignis didn't cheer up in a bit, Nyx could go back to his own place and let him be. 

But when he kept hearing the passive aggressive slam of cabinet doors and clash of dishes from the kitchen, followed by multiple sighs, Nyx couldn't just leave it be. 

"Alright, what's the deal?" he asked, and saw the subtle way Ignis's shoulders tensed when he spoke.

"Nothing."

"The hell it is. You're gonna break something if you keep slamming those dishes around."

" _Perhaps_ if you would clean up after yourself like I've asked you to instead of leaving things stacked on the counter, I wouldn't _have_ to slam dishes around."

Despite his better judgment, Nyx felt a spark of anger shoot through him, "Ignis, I _just_ put those up there a few minutes ago, they'd have been cleaned by the end of the night."

"And the collection of mugs you've started on the coffee table? Would you have finally cleaned those as well?"

"Two mugs. Two fucking mugs, one of which I am currently using, and I would _love_ to clean them for you, but only if you can manage to pull the stick out of your ass."

Uncharacteristic anger flashed across Ignis's face, and Nyx thought for sure he was a bomb moments away from exploding. But that was it, it nudged him into a moment of clarity, the realization that Ignis wasn't quite himself, that this wasn't just about dishes on the counter and mugs left on the coffee table, and Nyx crossed his arms, leveled him with a stare and asked, "What's this really about?"

And just like that the anger in Ignis broke. His face morphed, looking so upset and _tired_ and frustrated enough to cry and Ignis tried to hide his face, hand reaching up to rub his eyes under his glasses. Nyx's own low boiling anger tempered itself as well, something tugging in his chest seeing Ignis like this, a display of emotion that was so out of the ordinary for him. Nyx reached out to Ignis, and Ignis let Nyx pull him close, hiding his face against Nyx's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he said, voice quiet and Nyx was trying not to concentrate on the waver in the back of his throat like he was trying not to cry, because Ignis didn't cry. Not ever. "That was uncalled for and I was being unfair."

Nyx had to fight the urge to laugh, partially from relief, but also Ignis's formal apology. "Yeah, kind of," he said, and ran a hand down the center of Ignis's back, "you want to tell me what's going on."

Ignis breathed deep, "I just... there's a lot going on at work. I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"Talk to me about this shit, okay? Don't just blow up at me."

He felt Ignis nod against his neck, like maybe he didn't trust himself to speak, and Nyx kept rubbing his back, anger completely gone now. They stayed standing close in the kitchen for a long while, until Ignis had composed himself enough to break away, his expression back to normal and he apologized again and poured them both a drink.

They were going to be okay. Nyx truly thought they would be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Help Me I'm In Ignyx Hell


	4. Chapter 4

Time passed in that slow and awful way it only can when you’re miserable. Nyx new misery, his new companion along with regret. He could play every conversation, every touch, every look over and over in his head, and he still didn’t know what changed, where he went wrong. He didn’t know what he missed, what made Ignis think that what they had wasn’t worth keeping.

Ignis was avoiding him. He had to be- there was no way Nyx wouldn’t have spotting him coming and going from the Caelum building otherwise. There was a glimpse of him one morning, running late, sprinting inside towards the elevators ( _Hold the door!_ ) a sight that tugged at memories deep in his chest before Ignis was past security and gone again, a blur of something Nyx could barely focus on. He'd been coming in early, leaving late, all the things Nyx had yelled at him for doing before.

( _You work to hard they take advantage of it you’re going to burn yourself out you need to take a break they’re not paying you enough for this they they they you you you_ )

Maybe some day this would fade. Maybe, if Nyx let it go, let _Ignis_ go, he would move on, find someone else, look back on this as a hard couple of weeks but nothing more. He would survive it. Love wasn’t a necessity, people didn’t die of broken hearts. But then again maybe he wouldn’t move on. Maybe Ignis would forever be a regret, the one that got away, the ache in his chest that only showed itself in the dark and silent night, nights spent with someone else in his bed and in his life.

He wanted to beg for another chance, more time, he wanted to beg not to be left behind. He wanted to be selfish. Damn what Ignis thought and damn what Ignis wanted, because Nyx wanted him. And nowhere had he gotten his say.

But deep down, in his heart of hearts he knew that if this was what Ignis really wanted, really truly wanted, if this was what would make Ignis happy... he would have to let go.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**< text sent 9:22 p.m.> _  
_** _Is there someone else?_

**< text received 9:23 p.m.> _  
_**_No_.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

It was all by chance. That's why it felt like a sign. 

Something blaring from the TV, flickering in the dark room. Nyx wasn't watching it, not really, with eyes glazed over, chin resting in his hand. Wasting time until the clock displayed a number sufficiently late enough for Nyx to climb into bed. Late enough that he would bemoan the lack of sleep the next morning, as if watching TV was the issue and not the fact that every night he'd been restless, tossing and turning and playing back every memory of Ignis in that same bed with him. 

" _... to be traveling to Tenebrae this week, after Noctis Caelum and Lunafreya Nox Fleuret announced their engagement..._ "

It was the Caelum name that caught him, pulling him somewhere half out of his daydream, and Nyx sat up a little straighter, staring at the screen as the camera panned over shots of Lunafreya and Noctis together in Insomnia. Somewhere, something was clicking into place.

". _.. though some have expressed doubts that business is uninvolved, with the announcement made so quickly after the engagement..._ " 

Click.

" _... to be making the move permanently to oversee the opening of a Caleum branch in Tenebrae..._ "

Click. 

The late nights. The early mornings. The most important meeting with the Nox Fleurets.

Click.

The business trips to Tenebrae, the way he wouldn't talk about the specifics at work even as Nyx saw the mounting stress, the insane workload, his undying loyalty to Noctis. His need to be where Noctis was.

Click. Click. Click. 

"Son of a bitch..." Nyx said the words out loud, echoing in the quiet room. He could be wrong. He could be wrong about everything, this could just be the last resort of a dying man, gasping for breath and so desperate to see the light at the end of the tunnel that he imagined it.

"Son of a _bitch_."

He was up, heart beating fast while he paced the room. He had to know. Had to know immediately, but what, go now? Wearing sweat pants and a holey t-shirt, unshaved, unshowered, looked exactly like the dumped wreck he'd been since Ignis left? 

On the kitchen table was Ignis's key. It'd sat there staring at him, his final connection, the one thing he'd been desperate not to let go (and _why_ was Ignis so adamant that he needed it by the end of the week?). He had to know. He had to know the truth.

Nyx made for the door, snatching the key up on his way out. 

 

 

 

Doubt didn't set in until he was standing outside of Ignis's apartment. It hadn't had a chance until that point, what with Nyx sprinting to his car, speeding down the familiar route to the building Ignis called home with thoughts racing through his head.

There was a chance, a rather high one, that he was about to take a terrible situation and make it roughly a thousand times worse.

But he had to know. 

And if it was nothing? If he was wrong? Up the elevator Nyx practiced the words in his head. _Hey Ignis, sorry, I have your key. Hey Ignis, sorry, I have your key. Hey Ignis, sorry it's so late, I have your key. Hi Ignis, I forgot I still had your key._

At which point he would presumably hand said key over and get the door slammed in his face, but he'd cross that bridge when he got to it. Although, standing in front of Ignis's door, staring at the painted surface, the gold numbers adorning the front, it was hard not to lose his courage. Hand up and... his knuckles hovered over the door, would Ignis even answer? It was late, he didn't know what time exactly, he'd been in too much of a rush to check on his way running out the door. 

He knocked. A sharp rap, repeated three times.

Silence.

And what if Ignis didn't answer? What if he was stuck standing out here with his thumb up his ass, looking like a complete dipshit. Nyx raised his hand again, ready to knock for a second time when he heart the click of the deadbolt, saw the handle turn, the quiet creak of the door as it opened. 

Ignis hadn't been expecting company, that much was clear, and the fact that he hadn't expected it to be Nyx was clear too, when his eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he dropped his gaze, Nyx staring on with the words fading from his mouth. _Hey Ignis, sorry, I have your key_...

Ignis was in a pair of sweat pants of his own, hair down and glasses off and Gods he looked like shit. Dark hollows under his eyes like he hadn't been sleeping, eyes that were rimmed with red like he'd been _crying_ , but Ignis didn't fucking cry. Shoulder slumped, and Nyx knew some part of it was embarrassment at being seen like this, and he watched Ignis's hands fidget, making for the hem of his shirt before Ignis clenched his fists and let them drop at his sides because _son of a bitch_ , that was Nyx's shirt he was wearing. One he thought he'd lost in the laundry months ago. The element of surprise had granted him an advantage; Ignis had opened the door wide enough for Nyx to see into the apartment, the _bare_ apartment, stripped clean and filled with nothing but stacks of boxes. 

"You lied to me." Nyx hadn't meant to sound quite so accusatory, but it was true. His hands were shaking and there was anger there, but more complex than that. Hurt, for one, hurt that went deep, but also... but also... 

"Nyx-"

Nyx brushed past him, pushing his way into the apartment and he heard the door close behind him as Ignis followed. The kitchen, empty now, devoid of all the personal touches Ignis had added to make this place his home. It was hard not to pace so Nyx didn't fight the urge, and hoping maybe the movement would give his pent up emotions somewhere to go. Somewhere that wasn't his fist through a wall.

He dropped the key on the counter.

"Tenebrae," he said, turning to face Ignis, "You're moving to Tenebrae." 

His silence, the fact that Ignis was back to staring at a spot on the floor was all the confirmation Nyx needed. 

" _Gods_ Ignis you're so-" he ran a hand down his face, something tumbling from his mouth that could have been a laugh, except if felt more like he was fighting back a sob, "you're so fucking-"

_Stupid_. But that wasn't right, because Ignis wasn't stupid, he never had been and hell, he was smarter than Nyx. Not stupid- anxious. Anxious and prone to overthinking which led to second guessing which led to  _stupid fucking decisions_.

"Is this why you broke up with me?"

_Yes_.

The answer seemed obvious, even as Ignis was still staring at the floor, arms crossed over his body as if to protect himself, and chewing at his lower lip all the while. It wasn't enough to distract Nyx from the tremble of his chin.

" _Ignis_." Nyx was too far away to know if it was a plea or a demand. His name hovered in terse silence before Ignis finally responded in a barely audible voice. 

"I leave the day after tomorrow."

All the air seemed to leave Nyx's lungs at once, arms up over his head in frustration, _but also_...

Relief. The relief of knowing and now that this was out in the open they could hurry up and get on with...

"Why didn't you tell me?" This would hurt if he let it. " _Ignis_ ," but Ignis still wasn't looking at him, not even when when he stepped closer, saw just how close he was to losing control of those carefully subdued emotions. "Ignis... _baby_ -"

Nyx's hand reaching for his cheek, his own voice cracking, and that did it. Ignis crumbled, mouth twisting and turning ugly and he tried to hid it behind his hands, coming up to cover his face. But Nyx was there, arms around him pulling him close, breathing him in deep. He missed this, after only a few weeks apart. He felt the uneven rise and fall of Ignis's back under his hands, fighting off the tears still, even as they were spilling over. 

"You're so... so stupid," Nyx's face, buried against the side of Ignis's neck and perhaps hiding wet eyes of his own. "Why didn't you just _tell_ me?" He was furious, even as much as he was relieved, as much as he wanted to hold Ignis and never let him go, some part of him was hell bent on shaking him, shoving his anger in Ignis's face, yelling _look what you made me do_. 

"It was supposed to be a clean break," and now that the dam was open, his voice warbled with miserable tears, "it was supposed to be easier that way."

"Easier for _who?_ " If Nyx was not careful, his anger would spike again, already growing in the heat of his chest. As it was he pulled back, "What the fuck were you thinking? You'd rather lie to me? You'd rather _break up_ with me?"

"Would you have listened?" And Ignis pushed him the rest of the way away, his own frustration, his own fury showing. Not yelling, but dangerously close. "I couldn't-" he paused, wiping a hand over his face, "I can't do long distance. I can barely give you enough time when we're in the same city-"

"I don't get a say in any of this? You couldn't tell me the truth-"

" _Would you have listened?_ " Ignis's voice rang out, seemed to echo in the empty kitchen and it was enough to stun Nyx into silence. Shame flickered across Ignis's face, but he didn't back down, not when he said it again, quieter. "Would you have even listened? Or would you have brushed me off? You would have told me to stop being so anxious and you wouldn't have taken me seriously. You would have just done what you wanted anyway."

All this time, and Ignis kept finding new ways to cut him deeper. That one hurt. Hurt maybe because somewhere deep inside he knew it was true.

"You don't get to demand that I talk about my concerns and then trivialize them."

Inhale, exhale. Nyx took a shaking breath. 

"I could... We could have gone together..." He was grasping at straws, Ignis shaking his head before he'd even finished his sentence.

"I knew, I knew you'd offer something like that without thinking it though."

"You didn't even give me a chance to-"

"Your family is here Nyx. You already upheaved your entire life once to leave Galahad. I couldn't ask you to do that again. I couldn't..." he sighed, "I couldn't have you resent me for it."

There was something else, though. _You don't have to go_. Nyx could have said it, but the argument had run its course and he knew better. Because it wasn't just about his job, as serious as Ignis took his work, as dedicated as he was to his career. It was about Noctis, and supporting him and helping him when he needed it most. The Caelums were like family to Ignis, the only family he had. He didn't really have a choice, any more than Nyx had had a choice about leaving Galahad. Some things have to be done. To imply otherwise, to suggest that he should stay here just for Nyx's sake would just be rubbing salt in the wound. One that was already bleeding. 

Standing in the same room, there might as well have been a gully between them, Ignis felt so far away from him.

"Do you still love me?"

Ignis looked up at him; tired, worn, sad.

"Yes."

 

 

 

 

**3 Months Later**

 

 

 

The scenery flying past the window was lush and in full bloom. Nyx drank it in with hungry eyes, such a change from Insomnia, no less impressive, but all glass and steel and concrete. Here the world was vibrant, glowing in shades of green.The train car rocked as it slowed, and a pleasant, robotic voice overhead announced their immanent arrival at the station. Nyx stood and grabbed his luggage from the overhead rack before making his way to the doors.

The air smelled different here, and Nyx took it in, a deep breath and a glance at the clear sky as he stepped onto the platform. In the distance, just over the tops of the trees he could spot the tallest buildings of the city. But Nyx wasn't here for the scenery, and as his eyes scanned the crowd, they landed on a figure in the distance. He bit back a giddy smile and started walking. 

Tenebrae had done Ignis good.

He was waiting near the end of the platform, just like he said he would be, leaning back against the guard rail, hands in his pockets and his sleeves rolled up. But more importantly he looked relaxed, shoulders straight but not stiff, as they'd so often been back in Insomnia, forehead smooth of worry lines. 

"Hey," Nyx said when he was close enough to be heard, and when Ignis smiled at him, something clenched his heart tight. A feeling, one that had been there, keeping hidden, beaten into submission these past few months. It was harder to contain with Ignis here in front of him again, harder to ignore when his heart beat faster at the sound of his voice.

"I'm glad you came."

They did not kiss. 

Nyx pulled him into a hug after a moment of hesitation. It felt right, having Ignis back in his arms after so long. And when they walked off the platform together Nyx had to fight the urge to slip Ignis's hand into his, no matter how natural it would have felt to do so.

They were not together. 

It had been too little too late, perhaps, that night in Ignis's apartment, just before he left the city. Or else it was too much, too many grievances between them, all the small things that had gone unresolved and blew into something out of proportion and not enough time to fix it. When Nyx left they were just as broken up as they had been when he arrived and their conversation hadn't changed that. Ignis was still leaving.

But things were out in the open at least, and hardly a week had gone by before Nyx received a text - _Can I call you?_

_Of course_. His response had been near instantaneous, the truth being that Nyx hadn't felt any less miserable, his loneliness worse knowing that Ignis wasn't even in the same city. Ignis had called him, upset and homesick and fumbling over apologies, vulnerable in the worst sort of way, and Nyx talked to him for two hours, promised him it was going to be okay. 

(And told himself he wasn't just being selfish, that it wasn't just because he missed the sound of Ignis's voice).

It turned into a routine, of sorts, after a rough first few weeks in Tenebrae had Ignis seeking comfort from Nyx. The calls kept coming as things got better. It gave Nyx something to look forward too, even if Libertus rolled his eyes every time Nyx snuck looks at his phone while they were on duty. Even when Crowe told him, _just be careful with this, okay?_

But it was good for them. Nyx thought so, anyway. Because it was easy talking to Ignis, it had always been easy. They were good together because they were friends, because he could call Ignis at the end of the day and tell him about all the stupid, mundane bullshit, because Ignis didn't mind listening to him talk. And he was careful. Having his heart all but mauled recently made sure of that, and he fought off the urge to take this any farther than friendship. 

(Even when he was horny and remembering how good Ignis looked naked and thinking about how easy it would be to send a cheeky _what are you wearing ;)_ text).

It was good for them because he felt Ignis open up in all the ways he'd been reluctant to in the past, and it was good because Nyx had spent a lot of time thinking about what Ignis had said about him. About taking thing seriously. About listening to Ignis when he was upset.  

And then three months were suddenly gone, and Nyx made an offhand comment about having some time off and not knowing what to do with himself, and after the slightest hesitation, Ignis had said _...you could visit Tenebrae. If you want_.

Now here he was. With Ignis showing him around like he'd never been new to the city, like he hadn't been so lost before. Nyx was even staying at Ignis's place, an offer made while he'd been talking about finding a cheap hotel and Ignis had said _don't be ridiculous_. 

(Nyx was only marginally disappointed when Ignis had shown him to the guest bedroom and not his own, even if realistically he knew they shouldn't be sleeping in the same bed. A guy can dream).

The days flew by. Spent sightseeing at museums and looking at famous architecture, loitering in public parks and eating the best the city had to offer. Ignis wasn't free for his entire visit, but he was available for the vast majority, much more than Nyx had expected. Ignis had taken time off, actual time off from work, like Nyx had always told him he needed to. So it was _good_. Fun and relaxed, and like the way they were when they'd first started dating, except without all the kissing and none of the sex.

(Not that Nyx hadn't caught himself staring at Ignis's mouth, missing the way it tasted).

Good and over far too fast. 

They were sitting together at a sunny cafe, some place where they could enjoy the weather under an ivy-covered trellis, appreciating Nyx's final day. It might have been his imagination, but Ignis seemed quiet as he sipped on his coffee, it felt like his laughter had been a little forced. Nyx decided it was now or never. He liked Tenebrae, more than he thought he ever would, and there had been a thought in his head since before he'd left, plans he'd been making for a possible future. The last few days had confirmed what he felt was right. He opened his mouth to speak, only to have Ignis beat him to it.

"Nyx there's something I should tell you."

Nyx felt his good mood plummet. 

_You're with somebody else_. The thought popped into his head unbidden, without reason or cause. But Ignis didn't look like he was about to drop bad news, even with nervousness at the fringe of his gestures. 

"Things are going good here. Business I mean. And Noctis is settling in well with the Nox Fleurets. They've put him at ease here better than I could have hoped." Ignis adjusted his glasses. "I've been thinking... I'm- I need to be here for six months at least, things _are_ still new and Noctis still second guesses himself far too much but... I was thinking. I've discussed it with the Caelum's already and they seem amiable that I might... move back to Insomnia when my six months are done."

Nyx said nothing, just felt his hands clench over his knees under the table.

"Nyx Ulric, may I take you out to dinner once I'm back in Insomnia."

Nyx laughed. 

He saw Ignis falter, that little bit of uncertainty on his face, and Nyx was quick to say, "Ignis Scientia, are you asking me out on a date?"

"Yes, I suppose I am."

Nyx smiled at him, laughed again when he ran a hand over his face and said, "Well I guess there's something I should tell you too. I was thinking..." one of Nyx's hands found Ignis's under the table, "I was thinking, back in Insomnia, that Tenebrae might not be so bad. I uh, might have looked at some job openings. Just in case I liked it here." He gave Ignis's hand a gentle squeeze. "I think I like it a lot. And there's a lot of places looking to hire."

"But-"

"Crowe and Libertus aren't going anywhere," he pulled Ignis's hand up to his mouth, pressed a kiss to the back of it, "but if there's anything I've learned the last couple of months it's that it's not so hard to keep in touch. Besides, knowing Libertus all I have to do is ask him to come visit a couple of times. He'll be moving out here before you know it."

Ignis laughed then, genuine and uninhibited. And when Nyx said, "I've been dying to kiss you," he leaned in close and smiled when Nyx's mouth met his. Like falling in love all over again.

Late that night, the two of them lay in Ignis's bed, half asleep and still exchanging lazy kisses, a cool breeze blowing in through the open window. 

"Now what?" Ignis had asked him, looking soft and calm and something tender in his eyes.

"Now we do whatever we want," Nyx said, and kissed him again. He pulled Ignis close to his chest, and they fell asleep with loose arms wrapped around each other, just like they always used to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~it's.... done??????~~

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr @[notthelasttime](https://notthelasttime.tumblr.com/) where I do a lot of talking about writing and very little actual writing


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